Dear brainyravenclaw5
by brainyravenclaw5
Summary: Some OCs ask yours truly some questions about life, liberty and the pursuit of Harry Potterness. Instructions inside.
1. Prologue

I'm starting a HP advice column. Here's what you have to do:

Address your PM letter to brainyravenclaw5.

Include your Harry Potter character's OC name, house and year.

Please try to have your problem include the name of at least one HP character, event, or location.

Humor is advised.

Only K or T ratings. Any M ratings will not be published.

No slash.

I will post as many letters (and responses) as I can, but it takes time.


	2. Hermia James

_**From avatarluv97**_

Hi there brainyravenclaw5! I'm Hermia James, a fifth year Ravenclaw.

I have this cat named Norman and he's become...well...romantically involved with Mrs. Norris.

Not only am I concerned as to where Mr. Norris is and why she's cheating on him with my cat, but she's taken residence in my bed awaiting the arrival of her's and Norman's kittens!

Now I have to sleep on the couch and Filch is wondering where his cat is. My Ravenclaw smarts aren't telling me what I can do, and I really want my bed back! Can you help me? Thank you!

**Dear Hermia,**

**First of all, please give Mrs. Norris and Norman my regards. Secondly, try telling Filch where Mrs. Norris is, because he would be able to take Mrs. Norris home. **

**However, do not try to remove her yourself, because pregnant women can be **_**very**_** aggressive. **

**Always make sure you do not worry her too much, because that might complicate her pregnancy. **

**Until Filch comes to remove her, make her as comfortable as you can, and enjoy your couch.**

**Sincerely,  
>brainyravenclaw5<strong>


	3. Rachel Peterson

_**From the Honorary Weasley **_

Dear Brainyravenclaw5,

My name is Rachel Peterson, and I'm a Gryffindor, in Fifth Year. My problem is this... My best friend is in love with Filch!

Her name is Melanie and she's in Seventh Year. She walks around the school grounds, following him, and yesterday she set off a Dungbomb just so he would come!

She's even started to feed his wretched cat treats and save him little pieces of meat at lunch-time to get Filch to like her. This really is the most bizarre thing that's ever happened in my whole life, not to mention the creepiest!

Please reply!  
>Rachel<p>

**Dear Rachel,**

**This has to be the hardest letter I've ever gotten. What you need to do is have Melanie checked for mental disorders! Filch? **

**But secondly, try to get her interested in other guys her age. If she has a boyfriend that would eclipse her crush on Filch, am I right? But if all else fails, whack her really hard with a textbook.**

**Sincerely,  
>Brainyravenclaw5<strong>

Dear Brainyravnclaw5,

Thanks for the letter! I'll take Melanie straight to Madam Pomfrey and have her checked as soon as possible.

And then I'll still hit her with that textbook. A nice, thick Transfiguration one should probably do the trick!

Rachel


	4. Gianna Gingersnap

**_From ztpotter4ever_**

Dear brainyravenclaw5,

My name is Gianna, and I'm a seventh year Ravenclaw. My problem is kind of serious.

After my persuasion, my also-seventh-year Slytherin friend Bree filled out one of those career tests that they take in muggle schools sometimes. Her future career- a Death Eater! That is a terrible career choice, besides the fact that Voldemort was killed over two decades ago. But it doesn't end there, it gets much worse!

Now, Bree is challenging James Potter (the closest thing to the Boy-who-lived) to duels in the corridors, leaving threatening messages on the walls, and even using magic marker to draw Dark Marks on peoples' forearms.

Professor McGonagall is extremely concerned, and is considering stopping Bree from graduating. As her best friend, I feel as though I should do something. What should I do?

Sincerely,  
>Gianna Gingersnap<p>

**Dear Gianna, **

**Interesting… it seems that your friend Bree is intent on serving a dead master. Well, wait a few weeks to see if it's a phase that blows over. If not, I would suggest staging an intervention; gather a group of people directly affected by the Dark Lord and have them explain to Bree how evil he is and how much pain he caused. **

**But if all of that doesn't work, I suppose Bree isn't really smart enough to graduate. Hey, there's an idea! Use graduation as a threat! You're welcome.**

**Yours,  
>brainyravenclaw5<strong>


End file.
